How to Get Cooperation
A question and a story. Why would a child not cooperate?
My story is about my 13 yr old daughter (now grown) and the third time I caught her stealing
cigarettes from her mom.
I sat her down and explained that there was no legal way for her to obtain cigarettes (a true
statement for California).
I pointed out that I was an executive in the school she attended and that I was responsible for
enforcing the schools rules. Clearly illegal acts were against the rules.
I pointed out to her that it would potentially get me fired (it wouldn't have but remotely might have).
I pointed out that here mom also worked there as an executive. Smoking would reflect bad on her
too.
She told me she disagreed with the rule about smoking and didn't feel it harmful.
I didn't argue this point. She lacked data.
What I did do was request that she honor me and that as long as she was a minor in my house, I
didn't want her to smoke.
That is the short version.
A year later, she told me "dad I don't smoke. Do you want to know why?"
I told her yes and simply she replied "because you don't want me too."
My point here is I gave her enough data to help her think and requested her cooperation.
There are times you have to bar the way in an emergency but
raising a child's understanding is the correct method.
This is correct because parents will not always be there able to step between their children and
danger.
Getting them to think is much better than getting them to obey. Obedience is done from fear and is
robotic!
There you go. I have a lot of data based on raising five children and being in charge of discipline in
a private school for eleven years very successfully!
The Question: "Why would a child not cooperate?"
Lack of data, false data or a failure to properly understand the data
they have!
So on the parents part, they must use love and patients and give the child enough data to arrive at
the correct decision. Sometimes, if the parent is honest, it maybe discovered the child is right and
the parent needs to change their viewpoint.
But using force on a child never brings understanding or an ability to think and make correct
decisions.
The use of pain and force actually lowers a child's ability to think
analytically. And they will get back at you. Most likely they will act very
covertly since they can't openly get even with you.
Punishment DOES NOT and NEVER WILL resolve a child's lack
of cooperation.
Feel free to substitute, any person's name, where I've said "child!"
Look at the "modern" prison system. If punishment worked the criminal population would not be
sky rocketing!
Punishment produces robotic slaves who rapidly go criminal.
Use loving communication with lots of patience!
The child wants to please but not at the cost of his determination being
ran over as that leads towards death.
If you liked this, you might like "How to Correct" and "Who Has the Right to Insult You?"
Carl Watts
Contact
Comment On the Times
Updates
Edited 11/4/11, 11/10/11, 3/18/12
A question and a story. Why would a child not cooperate?
My story is about my 13 yr old daughter (now grown) and the third time I caught her stealing
cigarettes from her mom.
I sat her down and explained that there was no legal way for her to obtain cigarettes (a true
statement for California).
I pointed out that I was an executive in the school she attended and that I was responsible for
enforcing the schools rules. Clearly illegal acts were against the rules.
I pointed out to her that it would potentially get me fired (it wouldn't have but remotely might have).
I pointed out that here mom also worked there as an executive. Smoking would reflect bad on her
too.
She told me she disagreed with the rule about smoking and didn't feel it harmful.
I didn't argue this point. She lacked data.
What I did do was request that she honor me and that as long as she was a minor in my house, I
didn't want her to smoke.
That is the short version.
A year later, she told me "dad I don't smoke. Do you want to know why?"
I told her yes and simply she replied "because you don't want me too."
My point here is I gave her enough data to help her think and requested her cooperation.
There are times you have to bar the way in an emergency but
raising a child's understanding is the correct method.
This is correct because parents will not always be there able to step between their children and
danger.
Getting them to think is much better than getting them to obey. Obedience is done from fear and is
robotic!
There you go. I have a lot of data based on raising five children and being in charge of discipline in
a private school for eleven years very successfully!
The Question: "Why would a child not cooperate?"
Lack of data, false data or a failure to properly understand the data
they have!
So on the parents part, they must use love and patients and give the child enough data to arrive at
the correct decision. Sometimes, if the parent is honest, it maybe discovered the child is right and
the parent needs to change their viewpoint.
But using force on a child never brings understanding or an ability to think and make correct
decisions.
The use of pain and force actually lowers a child's ability to think
analytically. And they will get back at you. Most likely they will act very
covertly since they can't openly get even with you.
Punishment DOES NOT and NEVER WILL resolve a child's lack
of cooperation.
Feel free to substitute, any person's name, where I've said "child!"
Look at the "modern" prison system. If punishment worked the criminal population would not be
sky rocketing!
Punishment produces robotic slaves who rapidly go criminal.
Use loving communication with lots of patience!
The child wants to please but not at the cost of his determination being
ran over as that leads towards death.
If you liked this, you might like "How to Correct" and "Who Has the Right to Insult You?"
Carl Watts
Contact
Comment On the Times
Updates
Edited 11/4/11, 11/10/11, 3/18/12
v021412