page created  5/9/09 modified 6/13/09
Who Do You Blame?


No one wins the blame game.

For example, you make a mistake or something goes wrong. So you blame someone or something.

"I crashed the car because you played the radio too loud!"
"It's not my fault the soup is too salty! It's your recipe."
"If we had a newer computer, I would do better in school."

Blame is frequently used to explain poor job performance.

"My boss is such a jerk, I can't get my work done."
"I closed my painting shop and went bankrupt because of the economy."
"You don't pay me enough to be nice to EVERY customer."

Blame is also used for personal problems.

"I'm depressed because of the tragedies in the news."
"I can't be faithful to my wife because I have a chemical imbalance."
"I can't stop smoking because my father used to spank me."

Why You Can't Win the Blame Game

When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "at effect" instead of
being "at cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.

"Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the
same act loses control and becomes effect." -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, your business is failing and you blame your assistant. You say, "My assistant messed up my business," which is just
another way of saying, "My assistant controls me and the success of my business."

If you take responsibility for your business, you would say, "I need to train my assistant better."

As another example, you might blame your parents for your stress and anxiety. You might say, "My parents ruined my life," which is the
same as saying, "My parents are so powerful, they control my mood and my emotions."

Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for yourself gives you new hope. "My parents didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life by
being lazy and unemployed. I need to improve my opinion about myself and get busy."

While blaming people for your problems is silly, blaming physical objects is even worse. "My house is so ugly, I feel depressed." "Hot
weather makes me go crazy!" "My body has a disorder which makes me fat." In these cases, you are actually saying, "My life is
controlled by _______."

If you wish to succeed, you have to end the blame game. You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation. " I'll stop
watching TV and paint my house a nice color." "I'll stay inside so the hot weather doesn't bother me." "I'm only fat because I eat too much
and don't exercise."

Five Steps for Ending the Blame Game

1. Make four columns on a sheet of paper.

2. In the first column, list all of the problems or conditions you blame on others or things. Example: "I can't stop smoking because I'm
addicted to nicotine."

3. In the next column, write how you are responsible for each problem or condition. Example: "I am the one who decided to become a
smoker."

4. Write how you can take more responsibility for each. Example: "I could be more determined to quit smoking."

5. In the last column, write down an action step you can take for each problem or condition. Example: "Each time I want a cigarette this
week, I will first take a 15-minute walk."

Five Benefits of Taking More Responsibility

* Other people and things have less control over your destiny.

* Poor conditions in your life start to improve.

* You make better decisions and do the right things.

* No matter how some people try, they cannot stop you.

* You become the most powerful force in your life.
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