5/26/08 Does your life seem complicated?

    There are only two basic reason that life can get complicated, the decisions you make and the
    decisions others make around you.

    Now, you are probably pretty good at making your own decisions. You know what you want and pretty much the
    right way to go about getting it. But what about the decisions made by others that affect you? Do they know what
    you want? Do they care what you want?

    Well, the decisions others make that affect you just might have something to do with the decisions you make.  
    Have you ever had a similar relationship problem?

    Read this true example.

    Diane met Phil at a party. Something about him attracted her immediately and something about her attracted
    him immediately as well. The following day he called her and they arranged to go out that evening.

    Phil turned out to be the perfect boyfriend: he filled Diane's house with beautiful flowers every Friday, whispered
    in her ears warm love words and let her into his heart faster than the speed of light. After a month or so of perfect
    euphoria, they had their first fight. It began with some little disagreement about a song that Diane loved and
    became a loud argument about the different fields of interest they had.

    Diane was shocked that the same lovely guy she loved so much behaved so rudely and criticized and ridiculed
    her interests. Diane loves classical music and Phil thought it was conservative; violins drive him crazy and he
    refused to allow her to play that music when they were together. Of course he refused to come with her to
    concerts she liked so much. Diane couldn't understand how an intelligent and educated person like Phil loved to
    listen to Rap music and sometimes, goodness gracious, he is careless about table manners in restaurants.
    From that moment on, the couple found many points they didn't agree upon – their opinions were completely

For a while Diane, was really upset and the situation got worse; she knew that on one hand the potential of living with Phil was amazing
but on the other hand, Phil didn't understand or respect her interests and to a certain degree didn't accept her as she was. The
arguments got more frequent and the bouquets got smaller. With a heavy heart she called Michael, a close friend, to cry about the
injustice in the world and her big disappointment in love.

Michael listened to Diane's complaints and immediately understood what was going on. “Diane,” said Michael carefully “I have only
one question and tell me the truth: how would you really want Phil to treat you?” Diane answered immediately, “I would like Phil to
respect my love of classical music, foreign movies and also the fact that I talk to my mother at least twice a day and love to go to sleep
at 10pm. I would like to listen to classical music in my house without him turning up his nose, I would like him to come with me to a new
Japanese movie and if he doesn't want to, at least he won't drive me crazy if I go to the movie with a friend instead. Besides, I would like
him to get back from work early enough so that we will could spend time together without upsetting my habit of having early nights. Oh!
And also I don't want him to be jealous about my contact with you or with my other friends; he hasn't said anything clearly but I feel he is
a little suspicious every time we talk on the phone and he is nearby.”

Michael listened to her patiently and finally said: “Diane, I understand. Now, you remember I recently gave you a booklet with a picture
of a dove on it? Or maybe it was with another cover?” Diane remembered and went to bring The Way to Happiness® booklet. The
booklet was on some paper piled in the corner of her study and she hadn't had time to read it, despite Michael's eager

“Please open chapter No. 20 and read aloud the title”. Diane did what he said and read, “Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them
to Treat You”. Well, so what are you actually implying?”

They continued to read the chapter over the phone until they reached the paragraph:

“Now there is an interesting phenomenon at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to
yell back. One is treated pretty much the way he treats others: one actually sets an example of how he should be treated”.

Diane was shocked!

She suddenly realized that she is not patient about Phil's life: she is very critical about his friends who look “crazy” in her eyes, she
disparages the music he prefers and she makes non-stop remarks about his style of dress.

Diane decided immediately to treat Phil as she would like him to treat her. She finished the conversation with Michael and went back to
read closely chapter 20 in the booklet. She dwelled upon the part where it's written: “Now what do you suppose would happen if one were
to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-
control, tolerance, forgiveness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity?

It might take a while but don't you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way?"

Diane continued to observe herself while studying chapter 20 and understood what she should do to save her relationship.

After about three months Diane sent a message: “Michael! You and your booklet are genius!!! You deserve a huge bouquet because
yesterday I got a marriage proposal from Phil. I'm so excited.”

Michael couldn't wait and immediately called to hear details. Diane explained: “After our conversation I realized what I was doing wrong
and how to improve it. I used the chapter we read. I applied the drill at the end of the chapter, the section on specializing every day on
one virtue etc. I actually worked on myself and all the while I saw Phil suddenly resume being extremely charming. You wouldn't believe
it but he bought me a couple of very expensive tickets to a concert so I could go with my mother!” “Wow! Diane that's incredible!!!”
Michael said. “But Michael, although I was surprised by his support, I realized why it had happened. I might add that the tickets for the
concert came two days after I cooked a big dinner for his 'disturbed' friends, the same friends I had hated him to meet at all before.”

It turns out the precept worked! Good treatment in the long run resulted in good treatment on the part of Phil. At first she did not even tell
him about Michael's advice, but she began behaving according to it, and instead of criticizing, used tolerance and acceptance, instead
of scorn, they shared consideration and respect. And soon also a wedding.

Today, Diane knows that a person can influence the behavior of others towards him or her - in relationships in the family or at work.
Would you like many other people to know this and be helped by the information in this booklet?

The Way to Happiness Foundation to start your order

Read The Way to Happiness online

5/17/08  I read a good Article for The Way To Happiness and decided to post it:
"One of the main causes of your unhappiness could be the actions of other people. One of the main causes of your
unhappiness could be the actions of other people."

"Your own happiness can be affected by the behavior of others around you. Your own happiness can be turned to sorrow by conduct
that you do not agree with. You have experienced people treating you in a certain way and you said to yourself, "I wouldn't have
handled that in that way. I wouldn't have done that to them!"

"But what can be done? Can you actually change the conduct of others? It is easier than one might think. Because people are basically
good they know when they are behaving badly and they know they would like to stop. They just don't always know how."

"All you need to do is have copies of The Way to Happiness book available for your friends, family and acquaintances as a gift."

Email  The Way to Happiness Foundation to start your order

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page created 2008 modified 6/1/09
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