Why People Divorce and How to Prevent It
Marriage is a created union between two people for the creation of children, the
rearing of them-the future for our race;
It is a created relationship that enhances the survival of both parties and helps
guarantee the survival of the children;
Marriage serves to complete your life.
You might disagree with parts or all of that but I can tell you that the application of that definition to my life has been
extremely successful!
So Why Did You Get Married?
I wrote an article "How To Successfully Find a Spouse." You might find it interesting. Click here.
Most commonly, people are "in love". I recall being single and being "in love" but not interested in or willing to
commit to a future. As I recall, logic and reasoning had very little to do with my early relationships though hormones
sure did.
Deciding to get married should contain a commitment to being together for the purpose of a future.
Marriage does include sex. If it doesn't then the relationship does not fit the definition of marriage as I gave above
and your relationship is not a marriage.
Normally at some point, sex brings about children. The proof of that is our parents all gave birth to us.
Pleasure is almost interchangeable with survival. Sex normally fits in with pleasure. Pain is almost interchangeable
with death. Sort of humorously, I can state no sex is death.
But moving on, regardless of why you got married, you did. At the risk of being wrong, I'm going to assume you liked
your partner! Right?
So Now You Are Married!
Let's eliminate insanity as the reason for selection of your spouse:
Is it that on a reactive level, you married your spouse because they reminded you of someone else, father, mother,
somebody you liked?
But now you're married.
You Are Married and Everything is Great!
I wrote another article you might find of interest at this point: "Husband and Wife"...click to view.
Again, I'll assume you were logical and in love with each other at the time of your marriage and you had a
commitment to creating a future.
Let's say everything is going great then it seemed one day, things cooled off just a little.
This is a major indicator of a problem and if not handled will lead to potential divorce and certainly to a period of
unhappiness.
You and your spouse should have established a high degree of communication and affinity for each other.
A lessening of affinity, less communication, and disagreements lead to misunderstanding and upset!
Do You Take Responsibility or Complain?
If things have cooled off there is a specific reason or several of them.
Marriage is a created relationship. It must be created EVERY DAY! Do you call or text several times a day? Or is
there no communication? No communication results in less affinity.
Complaining or blaming your spouse is sure to worsen things! Blame assigns power to the other person. So where
does that leave you? Effect!
Marriages fail due to the harmful actions or harmful omissions (what you didn't do, like not creating the
marriage).
Following that, you and/or your spouse will commit more harmful actions or harmful omissions!
If you are willing to take responsibility, first take a look at what you have failed to do that you should have done. Then
look at what you've done that you should not have done!
Sit down with your spouse. I would suggest you trade stories. You tell one thing you did/didn't do that hurt your
relationship. Then your spouse tells you something he/she did/didn't do. Keep doing this until you are both back in
good communication.
Do not stop with someone saying "this is a waste of time" or acting angry. That means there is more to be told.
Keep going until you both realize you're married because you love each other and are committed to creating a future
together.
Will you succeed in rekindling your marriage?
I can not answer that in this simple article. All I can tell you is that it is possible.
I recommend lots of communication!
If you're the guy buy her flowers, they don't have to be expensive!
If you're the awesome wife, cook for him. Give him something he likes or do something he likes.
My wife came home with a stand to elevate my computer monitor.
I got her flowers earlier. No reason, just doing something I know she likes.
Persist. If it was worth getting married, it's worth working for to create and have it continue to live!
If you give up and don't handle this marriage, you will carry this failure to the start of the next relationship. It will make
the next one more difficult. I'm not saying you can not succeed with the next spouse. Anything is possible. Repairing
this marriage is possible. But YOU must do it. YOU must be the force creating it. Your spouse should contribute and
things will probably come around nicely.
Carl Watts on Twitter as: http://twitter.com/Poet_Carl_Watts On Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/carlwatts
Contact on Website
Updates
I play #FollowFriday on Twitter and will support you in playing the game!
©2011 by Carl Watts/CarlWattsArtist.com
Marriage is a created union between two people for the creation of children, the
rearing of them-the future for our race;
It is a created relationship that enhances the survival of both parties and helps
guarantee the survival of the children;
Marriage serves to complete your life.
You might disagree with parts or all of that but I can tell you that the application of that definition to my life has been
extremely successful!
So Why Did You Get Married?
I wrote an article "How To Successfully Find a Spouse." You might find it interesting. Click here.
Most commonly, people are "in love". I recall being single and being "in love" but not interested in or willing to
commit to a future. As I recall, logic and reasoning had very little to do with my early relationships though hormones
sure did.
Deciding to get married should contain a commitment to being together for the purpose of a future.
Marriage does include sex. If it doesn't then the relationship does not fit the definition of marriage as I gave above
and your relationship is not a marriage.
Normally at some point, sex brings about children. The proof of that is our parents all gave birth to us.
Pleasure is almost interchangeable with survival. Sex normally fits in with pleasure. Pain is almost interchangeable
with death. Sort of humorously, I can state no sex is death.
But moving on, regardless of why you got married, you did. At the risk of being wrong, I'm going to assume you liked
your partner! Right?
So Now You Are Married!
Let's eliminate insanity as the reason for selection of your spouse:
Is it that on a reactive level, you married your spouse because they reminded you of someone else, father, mother,
somebody you liked?
But now you're married.
If you try the same methods of getting help, cooperation, support, attention from your spouse
that you used on your mom or dad, you're very likely to find it doesn't work at all.
Problems will develop as you try harder and harder to force your spouse to be like someone
they are not.
Also, now that you're "married" you may illogically start to feel owned or controlled, etc. Or your
spouse may feel that way.
Both of the above possible situations are because you and/or your spouse were not analytical
in choosing who to marry but were operating on a reactive basis. That is a bit of insanity. That
is not necessarily fatal but is beyond the scope of this article.
Therefore, I will not be addressing those situations here. .
You Are Married and Everything is Great!
I wrote another article you might find of interest at this point: "Husband and Wife"...click to view.
Again, I'll assume you were logical and in love with each other at the time of your marriage and you had a
commitment to creating a future.
Let's say everything is going great then it seemed one day, things cooled off just a little.
This is a major indicator of a problem and if not handled will lead to potential divorce and certainly to a period of
unhappiness.
You and your spouse should have established a high degree of communication and affinity for each other.
A lessening of affinity, less communication, and disagreements lead to misunderstanding and upset!
Do You Take Responsibility or Complain?
If things have cooled off there is a specific reason or several of them.
Marriage is a created relationship. It must be created EVERY DAY! Do you call or text several times a day? Or is
there no communication? No communication results in less affinity.
Complaining or blaming your spouse is sure to worsen things! Blame assigns power to the other person. So where
does that leave you? Effect!
Marriages fail due to the harmful actions or harmful omissions (what you didn't do, like not creating the
marriage).
Following that, you and/or your spouse will commit more harmful actions or harmful omissions!
If you are willing to take responsibility, first take a look at what you have failed to do that you should have done. Then
look at what you've done that you should not have done!
Sit down with your spouse. I would suggest you trade stories. You tell one thing you did/didn't do that hurt your
relationship. Then your spouse tells you something he/she did/didn't do. Keep doing this until you are both back in
good communication.
Do not stop with someone saying "this is a waste of time" or acting angry. That means there is more to be told.
Keep going until you both realize you're married because you love each other and are committed to creating a future
together.
Will you succeed in rekindling your marriage?
I can not answer that in this simple article. All I can tell you is that it is possible.
I recommend lots of communication!
If you're the guy buy her flowers, they don't have to be expensive!
If you're the awesome wife, cook for him. Give him something he likes or do something he likes.
My wife came home with a stand to elevate my computer monitor.
I got her flowers earlier. No reason, just doing something I know she likes.
Persist. If it was worth getting married, it's worth working for to create and have it continue to live!
If you give up and don't handle this marriage, you will carry this failure to the start of the next relationship. It will make
the next one more difficult. I'm not saying you can not succeed with the next spouse. Anything is possible. Repairing
this marriage is possible. But YOU must do it. YOU must be the force creating it. Your spouse should contribute and
things will probably come around nicely.
Carl Watts on Twitter as: http://twitter.com/Poet_Carl_Watts On Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/carlwatts
Contact on Website
Updates
I play #FollowFriday on Twitter and will support you in playing the game!
©2011 by Carl Watts/CarlWattsArtist.com
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Related articles:
Considering Divorce? (Steps to help you resolve the situation)
The Key to a Successful Marriage
The Root of a Successful Marriage
Hope for a Spouse
Men and Women
Husband and Wife
How to Successfully Find a Spouse
Success Story on finding a Spouse
Considering Divorce? (Steps to help you resolve the situation)
The Key to a Successful Marriage
The Root of a Successful Marriage
Hope for a Spouse
Men and Women
Husband and Wife
How to Successfully Find a Spouse
Success Story on finding a Spouse