The Press Conference
I am a Major League Baseball Player
I am the Reliever for the LA Dodgers
I am the best Reliever in the Major Leagues
I am totally beautiful
I am the first woman in the Major Leagues

I turned in the mirror To check the thin blue stripe I had dyed in my Red hair.

The press had dubbed me Miss Red White and Blue but that quickly became Miss America

I am Miss America the most beautiful woman in America

Soon I will have my Big Press Conference then play in the 6th game of the World Series.
The biggest game of my life

I admired my Georges figure

No one in Baseball would cut a uniform right To fit a woman.

Vera Wang and Donna Karan had a big screaming cat fight over who would fit my uniforms.

I had Vera fit my 16 Day uniforms and Donna fit my 16 night uniforms

I put on my special lipstick called Red Relief (Available at fine retailers $79.50)
Then my special perfume called Fastball (Available at fine retailers $395)

Then I walked through the doors To the biggest Press Conference in my career.

The room was packed.

Miss America Miss America they were all screaming

They were like very excited puppies paw deep in cocaine

Miss America who will win Today the Yankees or the Dodgers?

The Yankees have a good team , I love their fans. If we play up To our talent
and have some luck then it will be a close game

The press nodded in unison. Yes she is right they all agreed

Suddenly an elderly Chinese man jumped up and started screaming

Miss America the People of China say To Honor you and To defeat the criminal fascist
ugly yankee dogs.

The room froze in silence

My love To all the Chinese children I said

All the cameras were my him as Tears of gratitude glistened down his cheeks.

Miss America the tabloids are saying you got a parking ticket once is it true?
The press corp growled at him.

I Believe in the right of free Religion

But Miss America you did Not answer my question

The Pack turned on him and snarled

Only the children know the secret of love

Yes thats true said the reporters nodding in unison.

Miss America what will you your first pitch be?

I smiled then licked my lips - Strike one I said

The press corps went wild.


Miss America can you win in Relief for the Dodgers? Can you beat the Yankees in the World Series?

Only the children know the answer To love

The Press went wild - 3 were crying

I need To go now To prepare for the game but I have one thing To say -

The press corps held their breath- No way could I say it - Not my famous tag line

I decided To say it.

When I first said it America Loved me Then later came the  threats from
PETA. They said my statement was degrading To all animals . Then I kept saying it
but then PETA started making bomb threats.

But then I said it -

SANTA AND ALL OF THE REINDEER LOVE YOU

Some in the press corps screamed then fainted -Some were weeping some were cheering

I Turned and flipped my hair and walked out

By Mary Jane Galyen

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