page created   10/24/08, modified
11/16/08
Key to a Successful Marriage


Life is wonderful when you have a good marriage.

You can endure the difficulties at work more easily if you can go
home to a happy
marriage. You have more fun during your free time
when you do it with your
spouse. Insurance experts agree that
happily married people are healthier and live
longer than single
people.

On the other hand, life is miserable when you are trapped in a bad
marriage. You and
your spouse either argue or avoid
communicating. You and your spouse cannot agree on things and
prefer to spend your time apart from each other.

The stress of a bad marriage makes your work more difficult. Your
production and income suffer because you are miserable. Success
in life is nearly impossible if your marriage is bad.


The Important Ingredient



"The successful sex relationship depends upon man
and woman reaching a high degree of agreement on
immediate and long-term goals . . . ." -- L. Ron Hubbard


Goals are a vital factor in a happy, healthy marriage. For example, a
married couple shares the goal of raising their children; to help them
grow up. They have a strong agreement on this goal which keeps
them happily married while the children are living at home.

If after the kids are grown and on their own, the couple does not set
new goals for themselves, they argue. They spend less time
together. They finally get divorced for several "reasons." They never
realize the real reason for the divorce is they have no goals.

Some couples work hard to start a business and then divorce after
the business is a big success. They say, "We were happier when we
were poor and struggling." The fact is, they did not set and agree on
new goals after the business took off.

A personal disaster often unites a couple because they are forced to
agree on a goal. For example, after five years of marriage, Jake and
Sara argue every day until Sara finds out she has breast cancer.
Suddenly Jake and Sara have a shared goal of beating Sara's
cancer. Jake and Sara have a high degree of agreement and fall
back in love to work together on this mutual goal.

Another example is with newlyweds. Some new couples fight during
their honeymoon. Their goal to have a wonderful wedding has been
achieved. Once the party is over, they have nothing to work on as a
team. So they pick on each other.

If you counsel a couple before their wedding, tell them, "You need to
spend your honeymoon setting goals for your marriage. You need to
agree on immediate goals and long-term goals. Don't come home
from your honeymoon until you have several goals worked out."

If the newlyweds follow your advice, they join as a team and jump
into life with a mutual direction. They are happily married as they are
connected in a common cause. They accomplish a great deal in
their lives rather than waste their marriage with disagreements,
conflicts and fights.

Disagreements, anger, upsets or "personality conflicts" are often
resolved when the two people find and agree on goals. Each person
can have other goals as well, but for the marriage to succeed, both
parties must agree on some short- and long-term goals.


Recommendations


1. Have a goal-setting session with your spouse. Agree on as many
short-term and long-term goals as possible. Write each goal down
so you can review them on a regular basis.

The goals can be anything you and your spouse agree to set. Some
examples can be: Help our son reach the top 10% of his class. Buy
a big new house. Take a two-day vacation each month. Save $3
million for our retirement. Clean the house every weekend. Get Jack
through medical school and Jill through law school. Improve our
tennis game. Help our friend Fred win the election for mayor. Get rid
of the roaches. Spend a month in China. Double the size of our
computer company. Buy a horse ranch.

2. Whenever you and your spouse start to argue or avoid each
other, pull out your goals list. Check your progress on each goal.
Ensure you are still in agreement on the goals. You may have
reached many of your old goals and must agree on several new
ones.

Like magic, getting back in agreement on your goals will replace
your angry, hurtful feelings with admiration, respect and love.

3. If you are searching for a mate, find someone who wants to set
mutual goals. Love, attraction and good communication are never
enough. You must determine if you and this person can agree on
some goals.

4. Help other couples by encouraging them to agree on short- and
long-term goals. Like magic, because of your advice, they will enjoy
a happier marriage.

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