there is no affinity or communication. Without communication, there is
neither affinity nor reality. Now, these are sweeping statements, but are
nevertheless very valuable and are true.” -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
Understanding: The result of combining affinity, reality and communication
By using ARC, you can significantly improve your relationships at work and at home,
find new friends, make more sales, negotiate better deals, lead your group more
effectively and help more people. You will be selected as the best person for a date,
for promotions at work, big contracts for your business or whatever you want most
from life. Using this tool gives you more self-confidence, greater peace of mind and
an improved view of yourself.
Part 1 in this series explains how the ARC Triangle works and how you can increase
the amount of ARC you have with someone. You can read Part 1 by going to ARC
Part 1. Part 2 explains how you can repair upsets you have with others.
Part 2: Breaks in the ARC Triangle
Whenever you feel upset with someone, you have a broken triangle or an "ARC
break." Every argument, fight or break up includes an ARC break. Everyone who
once liked you and now seeks revenge against you, tries to get even with you or
hopes you fail has an ARC break with you.
"The ARC break will vanish magically when the source is found." -- L.
You simply find and restore the broken point of the triangle. When did the upset
begin? Which point of the triangle had a sudden drop?
Did you have a disagreement (R)?
Did you have a communication problem (C)?
Once you spot the problem, you can repair it. If you fix the right problem, the sun
shines, the birds sing and everything goes back to normal.
Example: Your accountant calls and says, "I’m sorry to tell you this, but I made a
mistake. You need $10,000 by the end of the week to pay your taxes or you’ll get a
You say, "You idiot! I don’t have that kind of money. How could you do this to me!" You
hang up. You feel betrayed. You decide the accountant is an enemy and that you
should not talk to him again.
Later, you still feel upset. You try to feel better, but you cannot. So you examine the
problem to determine if the break in the ARC triangle is A, R or C.
You realize the problem is not that you dislike the accountant, but that your reality is
shaken. You disagree with this new reality of owing taxes. This break in the R point of
the triangle makes you want less communication. Of course, the A or Affinity point is
therefore dropped as well.
Now that you know the problem is a break in reality, you calm down and decide to
handle it. You call and say, "Sorry I hung up on you Peter, but the news was a shock to
me. You need to explain this as it’s so unreal to me.” Within seconds, you and your
accountant work out a solution.
When People Get Upset with You
When someone gets upset with you, you can use your knowledge of the ARC triangle
to resolve the problem. For example, Fred, an old friend of yours, is acting odd on the
phone. He doesn’t say much and won’t talk to you. You think back and try to determine
if the problem is with A, R or C.
You ask yourself, “Did we suddenly dislike each other? No. Did we disagree about
something? No. Did we have a communication problem?”
You realize you forgot to return Fred’s call last month (a break in communication) so
you say, "I’m really sorry I didn’t call you back last month." Fred suddenly says, “Yeah!
Call me when I leave a message so I don’t have to come over there and throw eggs at
you, okay?” You both laugh.
As another example, you have been negotiating a contract with Pam and your last
offer made her so mad she broke off the meeting and stormed out. Without your
knowledge of ARC you might give up on the deal or start using intermediaries.
Instead, you look over the situation and evaluate the ARC. Which point is the most
damaged? You realize the R or reality point went bad as no one can agree. How can
you repair this break in reality?
You could raise the communication point by trying to call, but that does not seem
appropriate. You could send a cheerful greeting card to increase the affinity, but that
doesn't sound right either. You want Pam to realize there are more points of
agreement than disagreement.
So you fax her a list that describes all the many points of agreement already
established along with a request that she calls you when ready to complete the
Your telephone rings 10 minutes later. Pam starts the conversation with an apology.
1. Are you currently upset with anyone?
2. If so, which of the three points of the ARC triangle do you think is broken? Is it broken because you dislike the person?
Because you disagree with the person? Because you failed to communicate with the person?
3. How could you repair the break? What steps could you take?
4. Take those steps today!
5. Repeat the above four steps for other people you may be upset with.
6. Repeat with anyone who may be upset with you.
7. Repeat with anyone in your past with whom you wish to rekindle a relationship.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Learn more about ARC in the book The Problems of Work by L. Ron Hubbard, available at www.bridgepub.com.
Get Anything You Want with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication), Part 3
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